Ep 11: Keeping Up a Creative Habit in 2020
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Perfectionist in Recovery
Keeping Up a Creative Habit in 2020
Hello and welcome back to the Perfectionist in Recovery Podcast! My name is Marcy Parks and I am a Perfectionist in Recovery.
On today’s episode, I wanted to talk about keeping up with a creative practice in the messy landscape of 2020, but first, the “There are No Bad Emotions” Collection is coming out TOMORROW! And I am SO, so excited. If you are on my newsletter, you are actually getting the first look today, but for everyone else, the collection will be available for public viewing tomorrow. This is a big day for me, in a lot of ways, so I just have to celebrate being here. I have spoken in previous episodes about what this collection means to me and what this experience of painting hard emotions has been like and I will say again that it has been incredibly profound and absolutely essential to staying afloat during 2020.
That being said, it wouldn’t be nearly as much fun to celebrate on my own, so thank you for being here, too! Thank you for listening to and supporting this podcast. I so appreciate you being here and appreciate the feedback you have shared, if you have already shared it. If you have feedback you would like to share, send me a message on instagram at @MarcyParksArt or go to www.marcyparksart.com and fill out the contact form there to let me know what you think! As I have said before, your feedback makes this podcast better for you to listen to, so definitely share all the feedback. If you are already enjoying the podcast, please follow, subscribe, and leave a review on whatever streaming platform you are currently using.
Now, let’s get into it!
Keeping up a creative practice in 2020 is HARD, but it is essential. A few friends I have spoken with recently have shared how in the unrest and chaos that is 2020 they have let their creative practices slide because “there is just so much else going on and it is one of the first things to go.”
I just want to say that I hear this and I feel this and I, to, do the same.
One of my creative practices is swimming. I love swimming. I love being in water. I have a strong connection to water. I feel best when in water and I feel best when I am swimming regularly! Unfortunately, because of the pandemic, I have gotten out of my creative habit of swimming, but if I am being honest, I had actually gotten out of my swimming habit even before then! I don’t guilt myself over this too much because this is not unusual for me. I have a creative rhythm with swimming as much as I do painting and I will cycle through periods where I am swimming more and swimming less, but every time I come back to swimming after being away from it, I always think, “Why do I keep myself away from this?! Why do I not do this more?!”
I shared recently in a previous episode, we all have a cycle, a rhythm that we follow. Sometimes one creative practice is in season, and sometimes another. BUT it is very important to discern the difference between a rest & recharge period and when you are neglecting yourself and your practice. There is a definite and distinct difference. One implies neglect, one implies care.
I feel like it is really easy to dismiss our creative practices, whatever that looks like - be it writing, painting, walking, cooking for yourself, whatever it is - as being “non-essential”, to use relevant phrasing, and to let them slide when we enter periods of stress - especially in periods of stress when there is homeschooling and working from home that has to happen at the same time, there is a deadly pandemic raging along completely unmanaged, half the country is on fire, the other half is underwater, and we are very literally seeing our fellow Americans and people of color being killed and brutalized in the streets through viral videos. Of course, your creative practice is going to take a back seat, because that’s more than just “a lot going on”.
But I want to encourage you, dear listener, and I am saying this to you as much to myself, is that your creative practice is an essential part of your mental and emotional wellness. It is equally as important to your physical exercise routine, if you have one. Your creative practice is not selfish, at least not in a bad way. Your creative practice is not less important than the dishes piling up in your sink. Your creative practice will do more for you than scrolling the doomsday posts of social media.
And I want to clarify that the news is important and keeping yourself informed about what is going on, especially this year, is very important, and I want to argue that as even more reason to maintain your creative practices or to develop a creative habit. A creative habit becomes a lifeline of support at times when every news cycle is equally devastating. A creative habit will allow the opportunity to decompress and even process the stresses of daily life in 2020 (and also any other year beyond that). Your creative practice is grounding, clarifying, energizing, life-giving!
But in the landscape of 2020, it may very well be hard to find the time to give to your creative practice. There IS a lot going on. So I wanted to share some tips for maintaining a creative practice at this time.
GIVE YOURSELF GRACE: Perfectionism has no place in your creative practice! It has no place in your life! As you can see by having lived every day so far of 2020, things are far, far away from perfect! You do not need any extra, unnecessary guilt. If you have fallen off a wagon, or even multiple wagons, fine, no problem. Let’s take the next step to getting back on.
ADJUST YOUR SCHEDULE: I don’t mean your work schedule, I don’t mean your homeschooling schedule - what I really mean is adjust your expectations around your schedule. Is a DAILY Creative practice out of reach right now? NO problem, make it weekly! Take yourself for an unplugged (tech-free) walk once a week! (Unless you love listening to music while you’re walking, then indulge yourself in your favorite playlist). Is journaling daily not working for you right now? No problem, make it 5 days a week, make it 3 days a week, test out what works and commit to that.
GET OUTSIDE: My heart broke a little writing this one because I know for some people right now, outside is not necessarily safe with wildfires burning and the smoke that comes from that affecting air quality. So I will say if you are in an area unaffected by wildfires and unaffected by flooding, get outside and get moving. Sunshine and fresh air (and that hint of fall feeling that is already coming - and yes, I am a fall enthusiast) can do wonders for a despairing mood and can inspire all the goodness of comfort and peace.
JOURNAL: Are y’all sick of me talking about journaling yet? Because I am not going to stop. Get a journal. Please. Write down what is going on in your brain and get it out of there. Start once a week, then add a day, and another, and another. Try it out at different times of the day - first thing in the morning, midday, at night before bed. Find the time that works for you and try it out.
PHONE A FRIEND: Making time for connection is important at a time when we are so isolated. Reach out to someone you haven’t spoken to or heard from in a while that you love chatting with. Set a date to actually talk on the phone so you can hear their voice instead of just texting. Even better if you can facetime or zoom or skype or whatever else with them.
And if you are in a position where you are still grounded in your creative habit, help someone else to maintain theirs. I recently asked people on instagram what emotions they struggle with the most and someone shared that right now they are struggling with their happiness because their personal life is really happy, but the world is really sad right now. This was something I really resonated with and could empathize with because I have experienced similar feelings at other times in my life. If you are in a position where you are happy and doing well, but recognize that your community is hurting and struggling, this is an opportunity for you to support others. Research organizations in your area that are doing the work to support people in your area (or beyond) and donate.
If you are interested in supporting others in their creative practices, I will link in the show notes three organizations I support and how you can support them, too.
Otherwise, that is all I have for you today!
For your journaling prompts for this episode, it is actually less of a journaling prompt and more of an affirmation, but I am going to ask you to:
Write in your journal the affirmation: “My creative practice is worth my time and attention.” Write this affirmation ten times. Bonus points if you write this down and stick it somewhere where you will see it every day!
My recommended reading for this episode:
I am actually currently between books at the moment. I am finishing up a parenting book “How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen”, right now, but my next creative book that I will be starting soon is called “The Creative Journal: The Art of Finding Yourself” by Lucia Capacchione. Lucia is a registered art therapist and pioneer in expressive art therapies, so you can imagine why I am interested in this book.
Alright friends! I hope this episode finds you well and helps you keep on in the pursuit of creative freedom and happiness. Thank you again so much for listening!
Until next time.
Organizations I Support:
Tessera Arts Collective: Tessera Arts Collective is an arts nonprofit that supports womxn (including queer, trans, femme and non-binary) abstract artists of color in the Greater Philadelphia area & nationwide by providing opportunities, resources, and programming that elevates their work and practice. Tessera propels these artists to take their rightful place in the art world by providing a refuge to incubate and nurture creativity.
https://www.patreon.com/tesseraartscollective
Black Women in Visual Arts: The mission of BWVA is to serve as a resource for Black women in the art world for an equitable and harmonious future.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/fund-the-start-of-black-women-in-visual-artBrown Sisters Speak: Suise Hill Therapy Fund “Healing Is Our Birthright” : Womxn & Men of Color deserve access to healing. Our therapy fund supports Black, Latinx, Indigenous, Asian, Pacific Island, Men of Color to pay for therapy services. COVID-19 is highlighting the economic disparities facing Womxn of Color, and Brown Sisters Speak wants to help change that. We've created the Susie A. Hill Therapy Fund to support Men and Women needing therapy services.
https://www.flipcause.com/secure/cause_pdetails/ODY1NDc=
Ready to take the first step in your creative recovery?
If you enjoyed the episode, LEAVE A REVIEW!
My dream is to help more people connect with their creative identities and embrace themselves as a whole, messy human, and as it turns out, leaving a review on iTunes helps me to do just that!
So thank you in advance for leaving your review and helping me to connect more people with their inner artists!
Ep 10: Alex Capps of Clydescope Creations
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Perfectionist in Recovery
Alex Capps of Clydescope Creations
This transcript from my conversation with Alex will look a little bit differently than the usual transcripts because there were points in time where the audio cut out (it was after the call that I realized we were using zoom to record during peak schooling hours haha!), so I am sharing here the key takeaways from the discussion!
“I definitely I get my artistic side from my dad.”
-Alex
Alex is the mastermind behind Clydescope Creations, her creative business where she sells gorgeously intricate wire wrapped jewelry and other goods. The spelling of the business name is an homage to her father, Clyde, who passed away when she was in high school. Alex’s father was who introduced her to jewelry making, along with the other creative hobbies she enjoys doing today. “I didn’t want his memory to be forgotten…I'm keeping his memory alive.”
“I was always so scared and I was constantly comparing myself to every single person around me like they are so good, like I can never be that good… but everybody is different. You don't want yours to be the same as everybody else's.”
-Alex
Alex shared a little about her struggle with comparing her artwork to that of her classmates when she was in high school, and the pressure to measure up to perceived standards of “perfection”. She later goes on to say that it wasn’t “until after high school that I realized art is art, like no matter what it is. Everybody is different. You don't want yours to be the same as everybody else's.”
“If you change your mindset and it really is incredible how much further you can take your skills.”
-Alex
Alex shares how a perspective shift finally helped her to get out of a period of harsh self-criticism and push forward with her creative pursuits and creative business. Finally affirming to herself “I got this.” (If you have downloaded my Free Perfectionist in Recovery: Self Discovery Journal Guide, then you know how I feel about affirmations!)
“There is somebody out there waiting for the work you are too scared to share.”
-Marcy
Alex talks about how her self-criticism caused her to judge some of the wire wrapped pieces she has made harshly, but she challenges herself to put those pieces out for the world to see anyway because, oftentimes, there is somebody who ends up loving them. We then discussed the power of art in creating connection - whether it is connection with yourself or someone who is viewing your work - art and creative practices help us find that connection.
“The very nature of creativity is that it's always growing, it's always changing, it's always evolving. And as you grow as a person, your creativity and your creative expression is going to continue to grow and evolve as a reflection of that.”
- MarcyAlex and I discussed the way creativity and individual growth go hand-in-hand. Growth in our creative practice is reflected in our individual growth, and our individual growth is reflected in our creative growth. Alex shared that she is in a growth period of her creative cycle and ready to take her wrapping to another level.
“Just get started and the rest is easier from there.”
-AlexAlex shared how honoring her creative rhythm for her means taking rest days when she is tired, but she also shares the routines, or rituals, that help her to “just get started” when her motivation to do so is lacking, like making herself some coffee and setting up her workspace so she can get comfortable with mood music. *She also gushes about her love for lists! (Same, Alex. Same.)
Check out Alex on Instagram at @Clydescopecreations and shop her Etsy here!
Ready to take the first step in your creative recovery?
If you enjoyed the episode, LEAVE A REVIEW!
My dream is to help more people connect with their creative identities and embrace themselves as a whole, messy human, and as it turns out, leaving a review on iTunes helps me to do just that!
So thank you in advance for leaving your review and helping me to connect more people with their inner artists!
Ep 09: Finding Your Creative Rhythm
Listen Now!
Perfectionist in Recovery
Find Your Creative Rhythm
Hello and welcome back to the Perfectionist in Recovery Podcast! My name is Marcy Parks and I am a Perfectionist in Recovery.
On today’s episode, I want to talk about finding and honoring your creative rhythm, but first, I want to thank you all again so much for joining me here for the conversation! I love getting to share this podcast and talk about all things creativity related to you. I am so appreciative of all of the feedback I have so far received about the podcast, so if you have any feedback to share, send me a message on instagram, or go to my website at www.marcyparksart.com and fill out the contact form to let me know! Your feedback helps make this podcast more enjoyable for you to listen to! And if you are already enjoying listening, follow, subscribe, leave a review and share it with your friends! Leaving reviews is the best and easiest way to show your love and support for this podcast.
Now, let’s get into it!
Today I wanted to talk about finding and honoring your creative rhythm! Finding a creative rhythm is important for everyone, not just “artists”.
The reason I wanted to talk about this is because I think it can be easy, especially if you struggle with the self criticism and pressure of perfectionism like I do, to get discouraged during the creative process. This can come when you are not feeling especially creative or inspired, or you aren’t already in that creative flow of life, or you’ve recently been in a creative slump, or you’re struggling with burn out, etc. One thing that I constantly have to remind myself is that there are seasons to all things, especially when it comes to my creativity, but it is important to recognize what season you are in.
I felt inspired to talk about this because I have been reflecting recently on my own artist’s journey and the evolution of my creative practice. We just recently celebrated my daughter’s third birthday, and it was while I was pregnant with her that I decided to start pursuing my art and my creative practice sincerely. I often think of my creative practice as aging along with my daughter. I created my first collection and had my first art show when I was somewhere between my first and second trimester in 2017. At that time, before my daughter was on the outside, it was no problem for me to prepare for an upcoming show. I was working full time, but had plenty of time outside of work to get things done. She was born later that year in August of 2017 and shortly after that I was approached about showing my art in another local gallery that wouldn’t be until December of 2018. I was hesitant to commit because one, I was going to be going back to work full time soon, two I already had another show booked for that year, and three, this exhibit was going to be much bigger and require somewhere around 60 pieces. Being a brand new mom, I already knew I wasn’t going to have the time that I did before to prepare, but I did have a little over a year to prepare, so I made a plan that was achievable, and I committed to the show anyway.
That year was tough for a few reasons. First, in order to meet my goal, I knew I needed to average 5 paintings a month. At the time, I really had no idea how challenging that would be with a new baby. I also did not have an understanding or relationship with my creative cycle to know when I would need to take breaks, I couldn’t recognize when I was in a period of growth making lackluster paintings, so I would often get discouraged (and maybe even have a meltdown) wondering what I was even doing trying to do this show. I had no plan for how I would keep my inspiration fueled for the year. My only plan was to just produce as much as possible and only the best of the best would make it to the show.
Then when you factor in life happening, the year got even harder. Early in 2018 we decided to have the floors in our house redone, so we had to move in with my parents. At the time, I needed to be finishing somewhere around 5 paintings per month to meet my goal by December, but because we couldn’t be in our house during that time, this meant that no paintings were getting done and that I was already starting out behind. Top all of this off with the fact that I was a new mom and that brings all kinds of its own unique challenges with it.
I ended up doing a lot of painting during nap times on weekends, or at night when Searsha was sleeping. I got really lucky because, for the most part, Searsha was a super laid back and easy baby. No she didn’t sleep through the night, so painting at night also meant that I was getting even less sleep, but that was the season I was in. At the time, I knew that things would change and there would be a day when it would get easier. “There is a season for everything” became my mantra.
And as Searsha grew up, things did have to change. As she became more mobile, I had to be more conscious of my art space, because it is in our home, and what materials I was using, what materials were being left out, and so on. I went from working with oil paints that I could leave out early on in the year to working in watercolors that were quick to clean up and easy to store. My work over the course of that year was very much a reflection of the changes my life was going through at that time.
There really were a lot of ups and downs, but eventually, both art shows came and went and I met my goal for the December show. I have a picture of Searsha passed out laying on my coat on the floor of the gallery the day we were hanging my work that captured perfectly how I felt on the inside haha.
I learned a lot in that year of painting. I learned that bad art is just part of the process. You have got to make bad art to get to the good art. I learned that Dr. Harvey Karp, author of Happiest Baby on the Block and Happiest Toddler on the Block is like a baby whisperer if there is such a thing. I learned how far I could push myself and also how far I wanted to push myself. I learned how much time with my family and having freedom to spend time with my family really mattered to me. I learned how many things I can successfully (and unsuccessfully) juggle at once. And I learned that having a creative habit can carry you through those periods where you are lacking the inspiration and motivation to create.
As Pablo Picasso said, “Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working.”
The reason I reflect on that year specifically is because it was a year of huge growth, as both an artist and a mother, and it was the year I really came to understand my creative cycle.
I have shared about this on instagram before about the cycle my creativity follows. I think of it just as I do the moon phases. For those that work with lunar cycles, it is understood that the period from New Moon to Full Moon is a time for setting intentions, taking actions, and working, and the time from the Full Moon to the New Moon is a time for harvesting, celebrating, and resting. My creative cycle does not always match up to the lunar cycle, so I think of it more like a tea kettle - it fills up, starts singing, it empties out, and fills up again.
Right now, I am coming to the end of a period of creative action and output. As I have shared before, I have been working on a new collection of work titled “There are No Bad Emotions” that is coming on September 5th. I am finishing up the last painting of the collection this week, so after this, my creativity shifts to taking photos, writing about the work (more than I already have) and to the logistical, administrative tasks of creating listings and updating my website. After the collection is released, I will be taking a break from painting. Not because I am sick of it, not because I don’t love painting - because as I have shared, it is very much part of my self-care - but because it is part of my self-care.
The first stage for me after a period of creative output is taking time to celebrate! I know that after a long period of creative output, I need to take time to rest, but even more so, I need time to celebrate! The celebration is equally as important as the work. My inner perfectionist is very critical of any form of self-praise or celebration, because all it wants to do is look at the flaws or what should have been done differently, and get to work on correcting them, and not saying that you shouldn’t reflect and learn from your process, but that can come later. First things first, celebrate. No matter what it is that you have been working on - maybe it is your first poem, maybe it is a week’s worth of journal entries, maybe it is a full month of making time for your creative practice, whatever that is for you, celebrate it!
After allowing myself time to celebrate and be joyful, I enter into what I describe as a rest period.
I like to think of my creative cycle as a tea kettle. After emptying out the pot of tea, or finishing up a period of active creativity, I have to start filling the pot back up again. The rest period is where I start to fill the tea kettle up and it is very important.
I describe my rest period as a sort of passively creative period where I am still doing things that inspire my creativity, but I am not actively creating anything. I do this by doing things that make me feel good and that inspire me. This is when I will do things like clean up and organize my desk (it gets out of control during periods of actively creating), read the books I haven’t yet made time for, take more time to journal, and spend the time that I would normally spend painting to do other things I really enjoy like going hiking, running, swimming, getting outside, spending more time with my daughter and my family, etc. etc. This is a period of time where I try to really be present in my life and engaged with my surroundings.
The rest period varies in how long it lasts depending on what other demands there are on my time and energy. Sometimes it is several months to fill up my creative kettle, other times inspiration can strike so hard that my creative kettle fills all the way up and reaches the boiling point. But the point is that I am waiting for that point where I start to feel those impulses to create bubbling up once again.
Once my creative tea kettle is full from rest and inspiration, there is a point where it begins to heat up and eventually starts to boil. It feels like this tension where I have the impulse to create, but I am not quite ready to take the jump into a creative project. This period may appear on the outside as if nothing is happening, but beneath the surface, I am reflecting on and integrating the lessons learned from previous work and a lot of growth is usually happening. This is when the images and visions of new work start to form and take shape.
And eventually, much like a tea kettle sitting on a hot stove, the inspiration builds and builds until finally, I am ready to begin again.
I think it is important to have an understanding of your creative cycle, because if you are in a period where you are already depleted, or lacking energy and inspiration, and you try to force yourself to create and the work doesn’t sing with the magic that comes from well-rested inspiration, especially if you are just starting out, it can be really discouraging.
Now I know I have spoken before about rituals and habits and how those things are necessary to have and I have also spoken about how necessary bad work is in order to get to the good work, and those things are all very true. But when we combine the necessity of a daily creative habit with an understanding of our creative rhythm, we have a better understanding of what creative habit might actually be in season. For example, in those periods of rest when I am not painting, my creative habits of writing and reading are in season. And when we combine the necessity of making bad work with the understanding of our creative rhythm, we can understand that periods where we are making “bad” work signify that we are in a growth period, and that this, too, is it’s own season.
All that is to say, gaining an understanding of your creative rhythm can help you to give yourself grace and also feed your creative practice. It is a way of working with the tide instead of against it and fighting the possibility of burnout.
Now, for your Journaling Prompts for this episode!
Journaling Prompts:
If you don’t have a journaling practice already and you want to use this prompt to start, or if you already have a journaling practice and could use some inspiration, the journaling prompts I am leaving you with today are:
Reflect on the natural rhythms of your day. When do you feel the most energized? Is it first thing in the morning? Is it later in the evenings? Do you feel energized after meals?
What activities leave you feeling energized? Do you draw energy from being outdoors? Do you draw energy from Water? Do you get energy from activity? Or do you get energy from rest?
Journal about your energy levels for the full course of the lunar cycle (New to New). At what phases of the lunar cycle coincide with periods of low and high energy?
Recommended Reading (Listening):
Today I am not recommending reading as much as I am recommending listening! Check out The Michelle Obama Podcast!
Otherwise, that is all I have for you today friends! Thank you so much again for listening, I am so happy to have you here with me! Until next time!
Ready to take the first step in your creative recovery?
If you enjoyed the episode, LEAVE A REVIEW!
My dream is to help more people connect with their creative identities and embrace themselves as a whole, messy human, and as it turns out, leaving a review on iTunes helps me to do just that!
So thank you in advance for leaving your review and helping me to connect more people with their inner artists!
Ep 08: There are No Bad Emotions
Listen Now!
Perfectionist in Recovery
There are No Bad Emotions
Hello every one and welcome back to the Perfectionist in Recovery Podcast! My name is Marcy Parks and I am a Perfectionist in Recovery.
I am excited to chat more with you today about my upcoming collection, “There are no Bad Emotions”, but first, I wanted to say Thank you for listening if you are listening! I am so grateful for the feedback that I continue to receive about the podcast. As I have shared previously, your feedback helps make this podcast more enjoyable for you to listen to, so if you have feedback to share, please do! Send me a message at Marcy Parks Art on Instagram, or go to my website at www.MarcyParksArt.com and fill out the contact form there to let me know what you think of the podcast! Otherwise, if you are enjoying the podcast, please subscribe, follow, leave a review on whatever streaming platform you are using.
Alright, so let’s get into it!
So today I wanted to share a little bit more about my upcoming collection, “There are No Bad Emotions” coming on September 5th and share more about the process and insights that I am coming away from this work with.
In my last episode, I shared about how you can do a similar exercise at home. Today I want to talk a little bit more about what this process and experience has been like for me in hopes that if you listened to last week’s episode and have decided to try this out at home for yourself, that me sharing more about my process and my experience can help inspire you more.
Just like I shared last week, each painting starts with an emotion. This may be an emotion I have a history of struggling with, it might be one I have recently been overwhelmed by, or it might just be one that is poignant for me in the moment. When I start to recall the experience of that emotion or allow myself to experience that emotion, I almost immediately have a color association that comes to mind. It is with this color that I begin.
Typically, that initial color that I chose becomes the dominant color for the painting. I almost think of it as like the ambient color, or ambient emotion - it sets the mood for the whole painting. If you look at my instagram and the paintings I have shared thus far, the main color for each emotion is typically used for the background of the painting and it helps to inform the rest of the colors chosen.
From this place, I will do some journaling and explore the feeling and the qualities it brings with a little more intention. Does it feel sharp? Does it feel sticky? Is it thick and heavy or is it fast moving and mobile? Does it have teeth or is it more defensive? And so on. As I write down those qualities, I am also making color and mark associations with those words as I go. For example, when I think of sharp, I am thinking of brush strokes and marks that are quick, explosive, energetic, and have edges, or I might even make marks through patches of color or brush strokes using the opposite end of a paintbrush or one of my catalyst wedge tools that I have - essentially trying to mimic scratches through paint. When I think of something being sticky, I picture it as drippy and kind of murky in appearance, like if you were to look through honey.
This is also the time when I get the first impression of other emotions that are tangled up in the primary emotion I am choosing to explore. For example, I just recently finished painting through my resentment and in my exploration I found feelings of anger, sadness, and even tenderness. If those other feelings make themselves known as I am writing, I make color associations with those as well and write those colors down.
This step alone can be very therapeutic and can feel like a big release because you are still taking the time to honestly see, to witness, your emotions. If painting is not your thing, this alone is a good exercise to try out and practice. Otherwise, knowing that I am going to be moving on to painting next, I try not to spend too much time here - I try to write quickly and instinctively and not give myself too much time to second guess anything.
Next, I start assembling my color palette. I will say that it is nice to have some understanding of color theory for this step, but that’s absolutely not necessary. After all, these are YOUR feelings, not anyone else’s, so that alone means you get to make the rules and nothing else matters. It is, however, nice to have tangible things to look at and touch when assembling your colors! This could mean you just go to your local art supply store or craft store (with a mask, obviously) and pick out tubes of paint for your colors, or go to the local hardware store and pick out paint color swatches from the paint section. An even more accessible option that is also COVID social distancing approved (AND a great artist activity to get inspired and give your mind space to be creative) is to go for a walk and take photos of colors outside and around that inspire you!
I would say Pinterest is also a great place to get inspiration - you can type in the search bar your main color and the words “color palette” next to it and the feed will populate all sorts of pre-assembled color palettes for you to get inspired by. However, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it for this exercise because, as I said before, when it comes to expressing your emotions, this is your experience and you get to make the rules. That means, carefully curated pinterest palettes may not fully capture or express the complexity of your experience.
I, personally, love embroidery thread for my inspiration. I talked about this in a recent instagram post. I don’t really know why, or how, or when I got turned on to thread, but I love it. I have a huge glass jar on my desk of different colors of embroidery thread that I will dump out and use to assemble palettes. Before COVID I would often go to Michaels and stand and stare at the embroidery thread, assembling various palettes together - it was one of my favorite things. Thread just inspires me in multiple ways. First there is the color and sheen of thread that I love, but it also inspires the marks I make in my paintings. I like for the marks that I make to mimic a tangled wad of thread with loops and stray strands sprawling out because this is also what my emotions and feelings look like to me, too - just tangled knots of thread where you can’t find the beginning or the end and it takes time and patience to untangle and sort out.
Once I have my color palette chosen, I will then assemble my supplies and get started painting! This happens in stages. I start with the two dominant colors - usually my main emotion color and an offwhite. I will usually let this dry before I move on. It is just a gradual building up of layers and layers. I try to be as messy as possible early on and gradually become more deliberate as I near the end of the process. Some paints I can use straight out of the tube, but a lot of the time I am mixing colors as I go while staying true to my original palette inspiration. Of course, I am open to spontaneous inspiration and adding additional colors, but I am always referencing my original color inspiration. This is also the part where I say some knowledge of color theory is nice to have (but again, not necessary). I say this because, as I start mixing the actual colors of my palette, I like for the overall palette to be tinged by the dominant, or main color. For example, in the painting where I was exploring the loneliness of motherhood, I used a deep, plum color as my dominant “emotion” color. The other colors that I added to that painting were mixed to varying degrees with that same plum color, or elements used to make that plum color. Technically, this makes it so that the overall palette is in harmony, and when colors not mixed with that plum color are added to the painting, they stand out even more, but also because the other emotions tied up in my feelings of loneliness are tinged by that loneliness.
I’ve shared before how this process has made it all the more apparent to me how one dominant emotion is usually shielding or tied up with other, supporting emotions. A good example is anger. In painting through my rage, there was a great deal of hurt and sadness hidden behind my anger. I think of it like a box with a lid. You are the box, the lid is the dominant emotion, and all the other emotions live inside the box. When we decide to validate the dominant emotion, AKA the lid, by giving it time and attention, we are taking the lid off of the box, and that’s when we can see what else is inside. That might be a poor analogy, but hopefully you get the idea. Another example of this is in a painting I just recently completed but have not yet shared where I was exploring feelings of resentment. I chose a dark, velvety, sap green with yellow undertones for my resentment because resentment from past hurts or perceived transgressions cloud my judgement in the present and can otherwise sour new experiences. In the early stages of developing this painting, it was obvious to me that there was some anger bound up in my resentment, but it wasn’t the blood red anger of my rage. It was more like a low simmering, bitter anger that lacked any sweetness whatsoever. This looked more like a sour, mustard green. Further into my exploration of my resentment, what I was surprised, and also not surprised, to find was a feeling of tenderness, like a sore spot. It felt like a former sweetness that had soured over time. This is where I added pinks, tinged with the same yellows from the greens.
Throughout this process, what has been the most profound, aside from really coming to know and understand my emotions, is coming to this place where I am not only truly witnessing myself, but also embracing the raw beauty of what I have always believed to be a weakness, or flaw. I am a sensitive person, I am an emotional person, and throughout my whole life I have been told that I am too emotional. I was always taught to ignore my emotions and “think with my head, not my heart” as if my emotions, as if my heart, had no validity or truth to them. I wasn’t taught how to feel or experience my emotions, so for much of my adult life, I would ignore them, guilt myself over them, and I always saw them as a problem with no real understanding of what to do with them. Painting my feelings and emotions has helped me to address the shame I have carried around them for so long. This experience has helped me to see the beauty in those emotions and the beauty of my whole self. In the yoga community, I feel like there is so much talk about “embracing the shadow side”, or practicing “self-love”, but no real discussion about what that looks like or how to do it. Painting my emotions and capturing the beauty of my “bad” emotions feels like what I imagine “embracing the shadow side” to be.
But for now, friends, that is all I have for you today!
I have forgotten the last few episodes to include a journaling prompt, artist activity, and recommended reading! I am going to try and do better about including those in every episode.
Journaling Prompt:
That being said, if you have a journaling practice and would like to engage with a journaling prompt, OR if you don’t have a journaling practice, and want to start, for this episode, I am going to ask you to write about your emotions. So for your journaling prompt, I want you to explore the following:
What emotions do you struggle to allow yourself to experience? Are you hesitant about expressing anger? Why? Do you avoid acknowledging sadness or hurt? Why? Do you express joy freely, or do you find it hard to allow yourself to be joyful? Why do you think that is?
What were you taught to believe about your emotions growing up?
Artist Activity:
Your Artist Activity for this week is to take a 15-20 minute walk somewhere familiar to you. Maybe it is your neighborhood, maybe it is your favorite park, take a walk somewhere you know and have been before and try to spot 5 new things you haven’t seen before. Bonus points if you can leave your phone in your car or at home for the walk.
Recommended Reading:
So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo: It has taken me longer to read through “So You Want to Talk About Race” by Ijeoma Oluo, not because of the book itself, but more because of life haha, but I am about half way through the book now and I definitely recommend this book for the white listeners out there. Ijeoma Oluo’s book is kind of like a dictionary for anyone doing antiracism work. Each chapter she focuses on a topic related to racism and defines it from her perspective and experience of racism. So, she starts with defining racism, and then each chapter addresses other elements of racism like microaggressions, cultural appropriation, police brutality, and so on.
The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp: I am not very far into this book, but I am already so appreciating Twyla’s insight into creativity and creating a creative habit. Basically, she shares how being an artist or creative person is less about the talent you have been given and more about the discipline of showing up and creating daily.
Ready to take the first step in your creative recovery?
If you enjoyed the episode, LEAVE A REVIEW!
My dream is to help more people connect with their creative identities and embrace themselves as a whole, messy human, and as it turns out, leaving a review on iTunes helps me to do just that!
So thank you in advance for leaving your review and helping me to connect more people with their inner artists!
Ep 07: Guided Meditation
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Perfectionist in Recovery
Guided Meditation
[00:00:01] Hello and welcome to the Perfectionist in Recovery podcast. My name is Marcy Parks and I am a perfectionist in recovery.
[00:00:10] So I just want to say thank you for those of you who are listening. Thank you. For those of you who have given me feedback on the podcast. I shared last week, this is just one of those things that was not on my 2020 plans that has come from the pandemic, and I've actually really been enjoying getting to share this dialogue with you, so thank you. That being said, for those of you who have shared with me that Episode three, the volume of the music was a little too loud for you to be able to hear the meditation clearly - Thank you for that feedback. I've heard you! For this meditation today, I'm going to be doing it without background music. That way you can actually hear more clearly. So with that, for those of you who are listening, the more feedback you can give me on the podcast, the better. That way I can continue to improve the podcast and make it something that's more enjoyable for you to be listening to. If you are already enjoying the podcast, please, please feel free to share it. Share it through your social media channels, and definitely leave a review on Apple podcasts. Leaving review is the best way to support it, but definitely spreading the word sharing with your friends to help again sustain and promote and support the podcast and the work that I'm doing, so - thank you again for listening. Thank you for being here. Thank you for supporting the work.
[00:01:45] Now, for today, for my guided meditation today, I am really excited to get to share another meditation episode with you.
[00:01:58] I was picking up my daughter from daycare yesterday and one of the teachers was sharing with me that the kids were listening to the podcast and that just made my day.
[00:02:09] So before I get into the meditation, I wanted to share a meditation exercise that can be practiced with children.
[00:02:19] And this is not something that I came up with. It's actually from a book that we have for my daughter. It's called "Breathe Like a Bear" and in "Breathe Like a Bear" there are all these little meditation and breathing exercises that you can do with children, and our favorite is the hot chocolate breathing.
[00:02:37] I'm going to share this practice for those of you who are parents that might want to share or start encouraging breathing exercises and breathing practices and meditation practices with your children.
[00:02:51] The hot chocolate breathing is the way you practice it. You pretend that you've got a really yummy, rich and creamy, delicious cup of hot chocolate that is steaming hot. It is so, so hot and holding this cup in your hands, you want to start to cool the hot chocolate off so you can enjoy it. So taking a deep breath in.
[00:03:21] And blowing out on your hot chocolate to cool it off and the next time you take an even bigger breath in and as you exhale, blowing more slowly to cool off your hot chocolate.
[00:03:46] Breathing in again, take an even bigger deep breath in this time.
[00:03:55] Blowing out on your hot chocolate to cool it off, blowing out even longer this time.
[00:04:09] And then this time, it's finally cool enough to take a sip so slowly sipping on your hot chocolate, and because it's so delicious saying, "mmmmmmmmm," as you breathe out.
[00:04:28] Continue the practice by taking another long, slow sip of your hot chocolate, and an even longer, "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm," as you breathe out to say how good your hot chocolate is!
[00:04:48] You can do this for a few rounds. After this first round, when your hot chocolate is all gone because it is just so yummy, you of course have to get a refill, which is again going to be too hot to drink to start, so you're going to have to cool it off and then drink it up once it's cooled off.
[00:05:06] If you are parents, I hope that you get to practice it with your kids and enjoy it. It's really fun. Searsha loves to play and do the hot chocolate breathing. It's definitely a favorite of ours.
[00:05:24] Now for the guided meditation today. Today, we're just going to be breathing mindfully and visualizing our breath as we breathe.
[00:05:37] If you're not already, find a comfortable seat, if it's more comfortable for you to sit in a chair, sit in a chair with your back away from the chair, your feet flat on the floor, if it's more comfortable for you to lay down right now, wherever you are, go ahead and find that comfortable position and we will begin.
[00:06:09] Once you are seated comfortably, I want you to take a moment.
[00:06:22] First, with your eyes open, just get a sense of the room that you're in. Looking around, just observing it, not judging it in any way, if there's a mess, it's OK. Just notice. Get a sense of where you are in the room, where you are seated or arranged in the room. And then taking a deep breath in through your nose and as you exhale, close your eyes.
[00:07:11] Now with your eyes closed, continuing to just breathe naturally, not manipulating your breath in any way, not changing your breath. Bring back into your mind where you are in the room. Bringing back into mind the four walls that surround you, the roof over your head, the floor beneath you, supporting you, holding you. Bring into mind the position in which you are arranged or seated or lying down. Feel yourself in that shape.
[00:08:15] Feel the parts of your body that are connected to the floor over a seat. Feel even your clothes on your body against your skin.
[00:08:42] And then start to feel even your skin. Feel the skin on your face. From your start to soften the skin on your face. Soften the area around your eyes.
[00:09:09] Relax your jaw.
[00:09:15] Maybe even swallowing here, then relaxing your jaw. Feel into any other parts of your body that you might be holding any tension and just consciously relax.
[00:09:49] Take a deep breath in through your nose. And as you exhale, just relax.
[00:10:05] And start to develop an awareness of your breath.
[00:10:16] Just feeling that steady inhale and exhale, again, not manipulating your breath - just feeling your natural steady breath.
[00:10:29] That natural pulse of your breath.
[00:11:25] Begin to lengthen your inhales and exhales. And breathe with a little more indention and tension. Breathing in and out through your nose. Taking a slightly deeper breath and a slightly slower exhale. Slightly longer inhale and slightly slower exhale. Observing the way the breath moves through your body. Noticing as you breathe in. The way your body expand and grow and create tension, and as you breathe out the way your body softens and hugs back in on itself. As you breathe in, everything growing swelling as you breathe out, your body softening, releasing. As you continue to lengthen your inhales and exhales a little more, I want you to now start to visualize a white light, a ball of white light resting at the base of your spine at your tailbone, at the base of your seat.
[00:14:06] So breathing here, visualizing, even feeling, if you can, this bright white light resting at the base of your tailbone. Now, as you breathe in, visualize and feel this ball of white light start to travel up the length of your spine to the crown of your head. As you exhale the ball of white light traveling back down the length of your spine, back to the base of your tailbone. Continue to breathe and feel that or see that ball of white light traveling the length of your spine. Notice if there are any areas of your spine that you skip over or maybe can't feel into as much. And just notice that and continue with the practice. Breathing in the ball of white light, traveling up the length of your spine. Breathing out the ball of white light, traveling down the length of your spine, back to your tailbone.
[00:16:30] And if you become distracted at any point in time, come back to the practice, come back to your breath, the length of your breath, the sensation of your breath - come back to the ball of white light.
[00:16:51] Traveling up the length of your spine as you inhale all the way to the crown of your head. And back down the length of your spine as you breathe out. As you breathe in once more, the ball of white light travels up to the crown of your head, I want you to visualize the ball of white light staying there at the crown of your head as you continue to breathe. Bring your attention to the crown of your head as you continue to breathe. Feeling there where the bright ball of white light rests. I want you to imagine, visualize, even feel, if you can, as you breathe that ball of white light starting to grow and bloom, and as it grows, I want you to visualize this ball of white light growing and encompassing you in its bright white light, almost like being held in this cocoon of white light that just surrounds your whole body.
[00:19:33] So as you continue to breathe in and out with your attention on the crown of your head, visualize the white light now raining down all around you and encompassing you in this soft egg of white light. Feel yourself held in this space, in this egg of white light. Every inhale and exhale. Breathing in that light. Feel yourself bathed in that light. Imagining or feeling what that light feels like on your skin, on your face. Again, the sensation of even breathing that light in. Feeling that warmth of the white light on your inside as well as your outside. Give yourself three more breaths here. Breathing in the soft, warm, white light. Held by this soft, warm, white, light.
[00:22:55] And then with your next exhale releasing the visualisations. Bringing your attention back to your breath. Bringing your attention back to the sensation of your breath, moving through your body. Bringing your attention back to your body in this shape, feel yourself in this shape.
[00:23:44] Feel again the point of connection between you and the Earth, the floor, your chair, however, you are arranged.
[00:23:59] Bring your attention again to your position in the room where you are seated, where you are lying down.
[00:24:28] Bring your attention back to the room - the four walls around you, the ceiling above you, the floor beneath you and, when you are ready, beginning to slowly open your eyes.
[00:25:05] Otherwise. If you'd like, you are free to continue to rest here. For as long as you please. Making any adjustments that you need to your comfort. And continuing to breathe.
[00:25:31] Until next time.
Ready to take the first step in your creative recovery?
If you enjoyed the episode, LEAVE A REVIEW!
My dream is to help more people connect with their creative identities and embrace themselves as a whole, messy human, and as it turns out, leaving a review on iTunes helps me to do just that!
So thank you in advance for leaving your review and helping me to connect more people with their inner artists!
Ep 06: Paint Your Feelings
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Perfectionist in Recovery
Paint Your Feelings
Hello and welcome back to the Perfectionist in Recovery Podcast! My name is Marcy Parks and I am a Perfectionist in Recovery!
Before we begin today I just want to say thank you to those who are listening and to those that have shared their feedback with me! This podcast was not in my 2020 plans that I made at the beginning of the year, but has definitely been one of the things bringing me joy this year, so I appreciate those of you listening and joining me here for the conversation. That being said, if you are enjoying the podcast and want to continue to support the podcast, please follow and leave a review on apple podcasts to help spread the word!
Now, for today I wanted to chat with you all about my new collection of work that I am working on, my creative process, and how it relates to your creative process during a tumultuous year.
So my new collection of work, titled “There are No Bad Emotions”, which will be available on September 5th, is a collection of large, mixed media abstract paintings exploring the emotions we typically consider to be “bad” or think of negatively. The inspiration for the collection came to me during a recent appointment with my therapist. I was in my therapist’s office (shout-out to Cindy at Hope and Healing Counseling Center in Abingdon -, she’s amazing) sharing with her the intensity of my fear and anxiety I have been experiencing lately. “There are no bad emotions,” she said. Then she asked me, “What would your fear look like if you painted it?” I saw it in my head immediately, and it was beautiful. In the moment of that exchange, I went from a heightened state of fear to the obsessive feeling of inspiration. I couldn’t get the image out of my head and had to come home to paint it.
And I did. My daughter, who will be three next weekend, joined in and painted some of it with me, which was really fun and surprisingly inspiring. Watching the way she painted helped me to loosen up even more in the way I approached this painting and took it to a totally different level. This painting was so powerful for me on so many levels. For one thing, for most of my life I have heard that I’m “too much.” Too much energy, too emotional, too crazy, too many ideas (too much fun 😜). And in many ways through my art, I explore that concept of “too much” - what’s too messy? What’s too crazy? Having been told that my feelings are “too much” for so long has left me scared of going “too far” - until now. This week was a breakthrough. This painting was my liberation. And if you see the painting, which you can view on my instagram at @MarcyParksArt (or you can click here to view it) and are familiar with my work, then you can definitely see a difference, a change.
Anyway, the point is that this painting unlocked something in me. The very next painting was my rage and I literally could not paint it fast enough. If I am being completely honest, I carry and have carried so much rage and I did not even realize how much until this painting happened. My partner had even said watching me paint it was different, he could tell there was a lot coming out.
I have since gone on to paint my insecurities, my loneliness, and my hopelessness, and I have plans for other emotions I want to explore - again, focusing on the emotions we typically consider to be negative.
What I am finding in this work is that it is an incredibly powerful way of expressing and observing my emotions in a way that is revelatory, and insightful, and even awe-inspiring.
I would definitely consider myself to be introspective, and reflecting on my emotions and motivations is something I engage in regularly both on my own and with the support of a therapist, but this process of painting my feelings has been profound and changes the ways in which I think about them. Essentially, I typically get very analytical about my emotions in an interrogative way where I am questioning everything about them - their origins, their validity, how I have expressed them, how I can regulate them better, etc. Painting my feelings however, has given me the space to experience them in a safe and comfortable way. For example, when painting and emotion, I am experiencing it and observing the qualities that it has and then trying to translate it into colors and marks that I am making. It is a very intuitive process.
I plan to do podcast episodes to chat a little more in depth about specific emotions and the experience of painting them in the future as I get closer to releasing the collection, but for now, I want to share a little more about my process and how you can translate this into your own practice in hopes that maybe this would be something that you might want to try or something that could help you in your own creative practice.
Painting Your Feelings Exercise
Feel Your Feelings: This may or may not be the hard part for you. For me, 2020 has been an incredibly emotional year as is, but especially the last 4 years. A lot has happened in the last four years both on the macro scale as an American that has been really challenging for me, but also on the micro in my own life - I started a new job, I got married, became a mother, bought a house, renovated a house, and have been working closely with a therapist to confront decades old trauma that has existed in my family. It has been a lot, so of course I have had and continue to have a LOT of feelings! Culturally, we are conditioned to ignore our feelings and pretend everything is fine. Well, it is 2020 and things are most definitely not fine and if you are feeling not fine, give yourself space and permission to not be fine! Write down all the feelings you are experiencing and if you get to a place where you are feeling like it is too much, phone a trusted friend, family member or therapist.
Write it Down: In trying to conceive how to paint my anger, I first took some time to write and think about adjectives that describe my anger. Some words that describe my anger and inspired my painting were heat, shaking, fury, blood red, sharp, and explosive. If you can, take a moment with your journal to feel whatever emotion you are experiencing in the moment and write down how it feels in your body. Describe it in as much detail as possible.
Visualize it: With the words you have written down describing your emotions, how would you translate those words into colors and marks? What would “explosive” marks look like? What would “heaviness” look like in color or in shape? What color is your loneliness?
Paint it: When painting it, let go of any expectations for how it is supposed to look. Even the image you had in your head, let go of that. Let go of any finished outcome. Just feel the feeling you are painting, have that in your mind, and begin.
Take breaks: Take breaks as you are painting and even reflect on the feeling you are experiencing. What I have found when painting my feelings is that through painting them and observing them, there are oftentimes other emotions tied in with them. For example, in the process of painting my rage, I started to experience and observe sadness and shame, and so those feelings were incorporated into the painting as well. I noticed that in painting my loneliness, there were also feelings of tenderness and longing, and so those feelings were then incorporated into the painting.
Find Support: In the last episode, I talked about having your community you can go to when you want to share about your experiences in your creative practice. This is one of those times where it is good to have support from people that can help you carry the heavy weight. This experience of painting my feelings has been liberating and inspiring for sure, but there was definitely a moment when rage painting that I was starting to feel like I was coming unglued and falling apart. It is definitely good practice to have someone in your corner that you can trust to help you if things get to be too much.
Otherwise, that is all I have for you today! Tune in next week for a guided meditation. If you try this exercise, be sure and share with me how it goes! Send me a message on instagram or share it on your stories and tag me @marcyparksart if you feel inclined. Be sure to follow the podcast and subscribe on whatever streaming platform you are using, and don’t forget to leave a review!
Also be on the lookout for my “There are no ‘Bad’ Feelings” collection coming up on September 5th.
Until next time, friends!
Ready to take the first step in your creative recovery?
If you enjoyed the episode, LEAVE A REVIEW!
My dream is to help more people connect with their creative identities and embrace themselves as a whole, messy human, and as it turns out, leaving a review on iTunes helps me to do just that!
So thank you in advance for leaving your review and helping me to connect more people with their inner artists!
Ep 05: 5 Ways to Start a Daily Creative Practice
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Perfectionist in Recovery
5 Ways to Start a Daily Creative Practice
Hello and welcome to the perfectionist in recovery podcast! Thank you for listening. My name is Marcy Parks and I am a perfectionist in recovery.
So just a few housekeeping things before we begin - if you are enjoying this podcast, please go to apple podcasts and subscribe and rate the podcast! Leaving reviews is the best way to ensure the growth of this podcast, and the second is to share it with a friend! So, if you feel inspired, please share this podcast on your social media and tag me at @marcyparksart.
Now, back to business!
Today I wanted to chat about a daily creative practice and what that might look like and why it is necessary in addressing your perfectionism.
I spoke last week about perfectionism and what it looks like, what my experience is with it, and how it is a way of shielding ourselves - It is a way for us to shield ourselves from the judgements of other people and to shield ourselves from uncomfortable feelings like shame and insecurity. This is why creativity is the antithesis of perfectionism because, and Brene Brown says it beautifully, creativity is powered by vulnerability - This is why perfectionism does not belong in your creative practice. Like I said last week, if we are too scared to try something because we can’t do it perfectly, then we fail to take risks and miss an opportunity for our creativity to be expressed.
I think it is also worth reiterating that perfectionism is often accompanied by relentless self-criticism and can be self-destructive. By developing a creative practice, we are actually developing a self-compassion practice to tame perfectionism. A daily creative practice gives us a safe space to be wholly messy, wild humans - it’s like that moment when you first get home and you take off your bra or you switch from jeans into your comfy pants. Your creative practice is the place where you should be allowed to let everything fall apart (and now more than ever in 2020 we need that space for ourselves).
SO, all that is to say, you need a daily creative practice! And here are 5 ways to get started.
Community: Find friends you trust and can be vulnerable with because, again, vulnerability powers creativity. If we do not feel safe, if our basic needs are not being met, it is really hard to feel free to be creative. Find people that you can count on to support you through your creative practice - people you trust enough to give a little window into your creative practice and what it might look like. You don’t have to share everything that you’re doing with them, but letting them know that you are starting your creative journey and maybe sharing any insights or insecurities you have along the way. Even better if they want to join you in this experience of recovering their creativity as well. Community is essential, not only as a way of holding yourself accountable, but also because you will need their support in the future when you struggle along the way, so be sure to choose your biggest cheerleaders to be part of your creative community.
Journal: If you haven’t started journaling by now, then you need to! I have touted the benefits of journaling in almost every episode of this podcast! It helps to empty our minds, it helps us pay attention to cyclical thoughts, it gives us insight into the things we really care about and value - it is so helpful in navigating the creative path! It can even be a more visual journal with daily drawings and sketches or pages full of color and mess. The point is having a place where you can be MESSY and a journal is a great place to do that.
Go for a walk: I don’t know the science behind it, BUT there are several studies from top universities touting the benefits of walking for creativity. I know personally from my own experience, some of my, in my opinion, greatest ideas, were born in the middle of a run or walk. Now, I do want to acknowledge that I know it is summer time, and if you live in the south like me, this means that high temperatures and humidity can make it uncomfortable to be outside, and with the pandemic raging on, going to a gym to walk on a treadmill is also out of the question, but I would still encourage you to find times and places where you can walk safely and comfortably daily. Maybe that means your walk is later in the evening when the temperature has dropped, or near a large body of water so it is cooler, or maybe it just means cutting your walk a little bit shorter than usual. Whatever it looks like, just get your whole body moving.
Create a Ritual. Rituals are powerful and we aren’t even aware of the role they play in our lives. You may have a ritual already to mark the start of your day like waking up and drinking a cup of coffee first thing in the morning, or taking a cold shower as soon as you wake up. Rituals are a way of training our minds and bodies to begin something, to take action. We know that when a happens, b follows - like Pavlov’s dogs. Create a ritual around your creative practice that helps train yourself to let your guard down and enter that vulnerable state. I have spoken before about Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way and she says to begin every day by writing three pages of stream of consciousness. This is a creative ritual. For myself, my ritual before I start painting is to 1. Do the dishes. Doing the dishes helps keep my sanity. If the sink is full of dishes, I get anxiety and plagued with “should’s” - I should be cleaning, I should be doing those dishes - it keeps me from being fully immersed in whatever I am doing. In instances where I am struggling to get started creating, dishes can also be a convenient distraction - “Oh, I really need to paint right now, but look at those dishes! I guess I better go take care of those, then the laundry, then the bedroom, etc. etc. etc. It can quickly and easily spiral into a cleaning spree and the very valid and very necessary creative work does not get done. Going ahead and doing the dishes eliminates the distraction. 2. I eat! I am one of those people that can get so caught up in what I am doing that I completely forget to eat until it is 3:00 PM and I am beyond hangry. Feeding myself means I can work for a longer, more sustained period and it’s also an act of self-compassion! A creative practice is going to look different for everyone, so create a ritual that works for you. If your creative practice is talking a walk first thing in the morning, maybe your ritual begins the night before by setting out all of your gear so you can be ready to go first thing. If your creative practice is journaling, maybe it is the cup of coffee and finding your good pen, or lighting a candle and burning some incense. It can be anything, but make it yours and be consistent. Again, like Pavlov’s dogs, you're training your brain to receive the trigger and immediately enter a more creatively open state of mind.
Support Others: Support others in their creative practice. In the same way that we may seek support from other people, we should seek to support others as well. As I said when talking about community, it is so hard to feel free to be creative when we do not feel safe, we do not feel supported, and when our basic needs are not being met. Being able to put intentional energy into a creative practice is a privilege that many do not have because their basic needs are not being met. Do your research and choose an organization committed to supporting those in your community that most need it and give your time or other resources to them.
Journaling Prompt:
As for a journaling prompt for this week to inspire your writing if you need it - This week, your journaling prompt is to come up with a list of 5 people you can talk to openly about your creative practice and rely on to be your creative support system. Then, come up with another list of 5 ways in which you can support other people in your community either directly or through organizations whose mission you support.
Otherwise, that is all I have for you today!
Thank you again so much for listening. Don’t forget if you are enjoying the podcast to go to apple podcasts to subscribe and leave a review to help support my work. If you haven’t already, check out my website at www.marcyparksart.com to get your Free Self Discovery Journal Guide for a weekend’s worth of guided journaling and creative activities to get inspired and jumpstart your creative practice!
Until Next time friends, be safe and stay well.
Ready to take the first step in your creative recovery?
If you enjoyed the episode, LEAVE A REVIEW!
My dream is to help more people connect with their creative identities and embrace themselves as a whole, messy human, and as it turns out, leaving a review on iTunes helps me to do just that!
So thank you in advance for leaving your review and helping me to connect more people with their inner artists!
Ep 04: Perfectionism Doesn't Belong in Your Creative Practice
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Perfectionist in Recovery
Perfectionism doesn’t belong in your creative practice.
Hello and Welcome! You are listening to the Perfectionist in Recovery Podcast. My name is Marcy Parks and I am a perfectionist in Recovery.
On today’s episode, I wanted to chat a little bit with you about perfectionism and why it has absolutely no place in your creative practice.
In the frist episode, I chatted briefly about how my perfectionism manifests and I want to revisit that briefly here just in case any of this sounds familiar for any of you listening.
So my perfectionism most often comes in the form of anxiety and cyclical thinking. It permeates every part of my life, not just my creative practice. When I was in school, I would strive for straight A’s, when I was still competing in swimming, I could not settle for less than first place in any event, or a set number of new records by the end of a season. When I was in high school, my art was hyper realistic and I would spend weeks working on the tiniest details of a piece of work to get it just right. The feedback I would receive at that time from my art teacher was to “loosen up”, a concept that I could absolutely not grasp at the time. If I did not meet the standards I had set for myself, I would be ruthless in my self talk. My sense of self worth revolved 100% around my achievements.
When I try to consider where I picked up these habits, I think about what it was like for me growing up. I am the youngest of 4 children, my three older siblings are all boys. They were all great athletes as well. My family is very, very competitive, and I grew up with an intense desire to outdo my brothers in every way. If they got their name in the paper for sports, I wanted mine to be the headline. If they received any honors in school, I wanted more. My family was also very achievement and results focused, so praise was most often given based on performance, end result, or product. In other words, I just wanted bragging rights.
Now I am not putting the blame on my upbringing or saying this is the sole reason for my struggle with perfectionism. I also think it is very much part of our culture, especially for women. For a long time women have been fighting for equal standing room with men and we have had to jump through so many hoops to get to where we are today. If we couldn’t meet the standards, then we would be out of the race. But that doesn’t acknowledge that the standards are completely different for women than they are for men. I think there is a lot of pressure for women to prove that we can work full time, manage households, raise families, maintain unrealistic body standards with flawless skin, hair and makeup (but not too much makeup) and still get dinner on the table, just to prove that we deserve a seat at the table, and if we somehow can’t juggle all of these things to perfection, then we aren’t deserving.
And then there is the pressure of capitalism. Capitalism puts the focus on production and efficiency, and though it has it’s positives, when it comes to creativity, it can be very limiting. There is no room for play in a capitalist system. Where capitalism demands efficiency, creativity needs play, where capitalism focuses on production, creativity requires freedom, where capitalism emphasizes the end result and profit, the beauty of creativity comes from exploration and the journey of creating.
Further into my adult life, I stopped making art all together, and for someone who identifies as an artist, that’s a big deal. From the time I started college in 2007 to 2015 I would start one painting and never finish it. Though, I had many ideas for projects, either written bodies of work, paintings, or even other projects unrelated to art, I would often not begin them for one reason or another. When it came to art specifically, my perfectionism would tell me that because I did not have an art degree, I could not make art. But generally, my perfectionism would stop me from doing many things because I “didn’t have the time/resources/space”, or if I couldn’t do it perfectly, it wasn't worth doing at all.
What I now understand is that perfectionism is just a defense mechanism to keep us free from criticism. By being “perfect”, we are without error and therefore without judgement, without shame, without blame. Perfectionism keeps us comfortable, it keeps us in a tiny little bubble of control.
But what perfectionism also does is keep us from taking risks. It keeps us from discovery, exploration, play, and the great resource of our imagination. It keeps us trapped in the cycle of approval - as long as we are perfect, others will approve and no one can criticize us. By keeping our focus on the acceptance and approval of other people, It keeps us from ourselves and the growth that would be most fulfilling to our own personal journey.
And striving for excellence is different from perfectionism. It is one thing to do your best and be happy with whatever the outcome, and a whole other experience to be putting pressure on yourself, or limiting yourself, to achieve something that is unachievable. Again, perfectionism is about the end result. Striving to better yourself is about growth, it’s about the journey, it’s about enrichment and acceptance.
But the reason perfectionism doesn't belong in your creative practice is because creativity is, by nature, the antithesis of perfectionism. Where perfectionism is about self defense, creativity is all about vulnerability. Have you ever had the experience of sharing your creative work with the world? It is nerve wracking! “What will everyone think?! What if they hate your work?! If you have not had this experience, maybe imagine reading your journal out loud to a room of people. Are you cringing yet?
Where perfectionism is structured and regimented and planned, creativity is wild, unbridled, spontaneous. Think about it - if we are so routine, that we allow little to no room for the unexpected to occur, everything becomes predictable. We condition ourselves to know what to expect and then we stop believing anything could be any different. We leave little room for inspiration. That’s not to say routine can’t be part of creativity. In fact, in the second episode, I talked about the necessity of routinely scheduling creative practices. It is important to make a routine of free time to be creative.
Perfectionism lives in a state of fear - fear of getting something wrong, of feeling uncomfortable, of receiving criticism, of being perceived poorly - living in a fear of failure. Creativity is brave. Vulnerability is brave. Standing firmly in the truth of your messy, human self is a courageous act. Acknowledging yourself to be flawed is brave. Perfectionism means you have nothing left to learn, you have arrived. Vulnerability is acknowledging that you have a lot left to learn.
What it all comes down to is that perfectionism is false, it’s a mask, it’s not real because nothing is perfect. Creativity is authentic. It is far better to strive for authenticity than it is to strive for perfection.
I still struggle with my perfectionism, but my creative practice is where I actively try to challenge it. Through my abstract art specifically, I am learning to let go of things needing to look a certain way, or to be so clean and tidy. Through journaling, I confront the harsh voice of my inner critic directly, and work to challenge the false narrative I have built over time.
Other ways in which I try to challenge my perfectionism might be with little challenges I give myself. One example was when I dedicated 2019 to a year of making “bad art”. I was feeling like I was in a rut with the art I was making at the time and was feeling the tension of a desire to grow, but no real idea of how or what that might look like. This was my way of giving myself permission to explore, try new and different things, and let go of the pressure to “produce” something. This was probably one of the best things I have ever done for myself and my art practice because so many beautiful, unexpected things came from it. I experimented with block printing, which led me to running paintings through my sewing machine, and then I did a whole series of paintings incorporating pressed flowers I had harvested with my daughter earlier in the year (some of my most favorite paintings came from these experiments). Ultimately, this experiment got me out of my comfort zone, trying new and different things, and led me to creating the work that I am doing today. It also was a good reminder that my art practice is mine. It is about pursuing my own creative impulses, whatever those are, and is for no one else. Yes, I made a lot of “bad art”, but in the end, I just kept asking, “what is bad art, anyway? And if there is such a thing, who gives a fuck?”
So to wrap things up, today I am going to leave you with this -
Action Items for This Week!
1. Keep up your journaling! If you want a journaling prompt for this week, maybe journal about things you have wanted to try but have been too scared to try. Actually - yes, make a list of 10 things you have always wanted to try, but never have. Crossfit? Painting? Swimming? Sky diving? Get a good list of at least ten things.
2. Give yourself permission to be bad at something. Not doing so great at budgeting? IT’S OKAY. Not saying budgeting isn’t important, not saying you shouldn’t still try to be better at it, but it’s okay to not be good at it right now. Whatever it is you are struggling to do better about, take the pressure off of yourself to get it right right now and accept that it’s a process while still holding yourself accountable to continuing to try.
And if you are looking for a little extra something to inspire your inner artist during the pandemic, check out my website at www.marcyparksart.com and to get my free Self Discovery Journal Guide. This is a journal guide I put together that goes along with the meditation I offered last week. In the guide, I give you a full weekend’s worth of creative practices including a powerful journal guide, artist activities, and affirmations to help kickstart your creative recovery.
Until next time friends, be well.
Ready to take the first step in your creative recovery?
If you enjoyed the episode, LEAVE A REVIEW!
My dream is to help more people connect with their creative identities and embrace themselves as a whole, messy human, and as it turns out, leaving a review on iTunes helps me to do just that!
So thank you in advance for leaving your review and helping me to connect more people with their inner artists!
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Ep 03: "Who Am I?" Guided Meditation
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Perfectionist in Recovery
“Who Am I?” Guided Meditation
[00:00:03] Hello and welcome to the Perfectionist in Recovery podcast. My name is Marcy Parks and I am a perfectionist in recovery.
[00:00:14] For today's episode, I wanted to share a guided meditation. And before we get into the practice, I just wanted to speak a little bit about why I wanted to share guided meditations as part of this podcast, my intention going forward with them, and what you can expect from the practice today.
[00:00:40] To begin, a meditation presents a remarkable amount of health benefits, all of which are just a quick Google search away if you're really curious. I'm not going to get into them here in this episode, but if you are interested in learning more, one book that I might recommend is Buddha's Brain. This is a great book if you're interested in learning more about the neuroscience behind meditation. Otherwise, some of the benefits that come from meditation are what I would describe as mental housekeeping.
[00:01:18] In the last episode, I spoke about the benefits of journaling and why it's important to have a journaling practice. Journaling is making a practice of emptying out the contents of your mind. As I shared in that episode, we all have this loop that's playing in the back of our minds throughout the day. It might look like dialogue, it could be memories, whatever, but the point is that there is constant chatter going on in our minds. Because it is always happening, we aren't necessarily aware of what's being said or played in the background of our lives if we're not paying attention to it. So, just like journaling is a way to take those contents out of your mind and put them on paper where you can see them and become more conscious of them, meditation is a way to watch and observe those patterns of thought and become more conscious of the state that you're living in.
[00:02:40] The other reasons that I wanted to introduce meditation practices as part of this podcast is because it's important to practice pausing as well. It's important to make space to slow down and to pause. It's probably no secret to you that we live in an incredibly fast paced culture, speaking specifically to America, and we are constantly focused on productivity and achieving. Our days are full of to do lists, and it's easy in the hustle of life to neglect yourself, but especially your creative self.
[00:03:33] It's easy to put your creativity to the side and say, "I don't have time for this today." I do this, too, especially if my house is a mess. There are dishes that need to be done, errands that need to be run, not to mention being a mom and having a full time job along with everything else. If anything, those reasons alone are why it's important to develop a practice of pausing and to build those pockets of space into your days for yourself. It is necessary to devote those moments wholly to yourself and especially to devote pockets of time to just doing nothing. What you might find, is that it's easier to find pockets of time to do other things like nurturing your creative practice once you find those moments to pause.
[00:03:33] The other reason that it's important to have that practice of pausing is because when we slow down enough to pause, that is when we have the the opportunity to notice. So when we practice pausing, we then can practice noticing and becoming aware. Meditation is very literally a practice of awareness. It's a practice of noticing and witnessing your own experience as a human being. And so when we practice a pause and we practice noticing, that is where we find our inspiration.
[00:05:24] Speaking from my own experience, I have regularly practice noticing, especially when I am out in nature. This is also where my greatest source of inspiration comes. I have a practice of noticing that I do when I'm out in the woods. In my experience, I will become so engrossed in the experience of being in nature with the sounds, with the scents, with the way my body feels, most specifically with the way the light shines through the leaves (that's something that every time could almost bring me to tears). Those are moments are part of my practice of noticing. And when I'm in the woods, that is where I draw the most inspiration. And it's because I am actively engaged with the world around me.
[00:06:13] Through meditation, I can just as easily become inspired by my own internal world. And I think that's why, again, meditation is important, because we become we can become engrossed in our own experience as a human, and when we become fascinated and curious by our experience as a human, we start to realize what magical beings we really are and just how fascinating we really are! That's when we can start to embrace our own majesty, if that makes sense. So my intention going forward is to have regular meditations on this podcast for you to use at your disposal for developing your own practice of pausing and noticing. And my intention is to release them about every third episode.
[00:07:13] So for today's practice and if you want to go ahead and skip on to the meditation, please do, it begins around the 9 minute mark. For today's practice, I'm going to be guiding you through a meditation of self inquiry. So just getting curious about yourself and asking yourself direct questions, but not with the intention of finding any answers. I just want to make that clear beforehand and I'll remind you during the practice, but the goal of the meditation today is not to come away with any answers. The goal is just to become aware of your responses and again become aware of the way you respond, how you respond, and to get a little more curious about who you really are.
[00:07:13] Let's go ahead and get started. So I'm going to ask you to find a comfortable seat and that might look differently for everyone depending on where you are. So. If it's more comfortable for you to sit in a chair, I'm gonna ask you to sit seated in a chair with your back away from the back, feet flat on the floor, and your hands resting in your lap. If it's comfortable for you to sit on the floor cross legged, please do that. You can prop yourself up on with pillows underneath your seat or even underneath your knees, if you have any discomfort there. If you just need something more restorative, please feel free to lie down.
[00:09:08] Go ahead and find a comfortable position. As we begin, I want you to still keep your eyes open.
[00:09:23] So, finding a comfortable seat with your eyes open.
[00:09:32] First, I just want you to bring your attention to your breath. At this time, I don't want you to manipulate your breath in any way, just notice your breath in its natural state. Notice the pace of your breath. Notice the depth. Notice how it feels in your body.
[00:10:18] And then from here, taking a fuller and deeper breath in through your nose, as you exhale, allow your eyes to close.
[00:10:41] Keep your presence and your attention on your breath and the pace of your breath, the rhythm of your breath. At this time, start to breathe with a little more intention. Starting to lengthen your inhales a little bit more. And slowing your exhale down. Not in a way that causes you to strain, but in a way that still feels comfortable. Just lengthening the time between each breath.
[00:11:45] In this moment, if you notice that your eyes are still looking somewhere outside of you, relax the area around your eyes. Relax the skin round your eyes and the muscles in your face.
[00:12:23] Continue to develop an awareness of your breath.
[00:12:32] Still taking full inhales and exhales in and out through your nose.
[00:12:52] Maybe starting to observe the path that your breath is taking as it enters and exits your body.
[00:13:03] Feel how your breath moves through your body. Notice the sensations of your breath as it moves through your body. Noticing perhaps a sense of coolness on the tip of your nose as you breathe in, the expansion of your chest and belly as you inhale. Then the sensation of your body hugging back in on itself as you exhale.
[00:14:07] With your awareness on these sensations, I want you to just count the next five breaths to yourself. Counting one on the inhale and one on the exhale.
[00:14:39] Two on the inhale and two on the exhale....
[00:15:48] With this awareness of the sensations of your body and the experience of your breath, I want you to ask yourself, who am I?
[00:16:24] Notice the responses that start to reveal themselves. Notice the answers that come up. I don't want you to label any of them, or dismiss any of them. I just want you to notice. What labels and identities are there? What identities exist in your psyche. If you notice that you start to get caught up in a story around any of the words that come up for you, return first to your breath, then return to the question, "Who am I?"
[00:19:24] Remember, there are no right or wrong answers and the purpose is not to find any answers. Try to refrain from seeking the right answer and again, just witness your response to the question, "Who am I?"......
[00:22:04] At this time, I want you to release the question. Bring your presence and attention back to your breath, noticing your breath. Notice the experience of your body in this moment. Observe any changes.
[00:22:37] If you would like to continue with the meditation. Remain comfortably in whatever position in which you are currently resting by keeping your attention and presence with your breath, observing the movement of breath through your body. Continue Observing the sensations of breath moving through your body. Then, when you are ready, you can slowly open your eyes and release the practice.
[00:23:23] Until next time.
Ready to take the first step in your creative recovery?
If you enjoyed the episode, LEAVE A REVIEW!
My dream is to help more people connect with their creative identities and embrace themselves as a whole, messy human, and as it turns out, leaving a review on iTunes helps me to do just that!
So thank you in advance for leaving your review and helping me to connect more people with their inner artists!
Ep 02: A Whole Creative Human
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Perfectionist in Recovery
A Whole Creative Human
[00:00:01] Hello and welcome.
[00:00:03] My name is Marcy Parks, and you are listening to the Perfectionist and Recovery podcast. Today, I wanted to continue the discussion around creativity by sharing a little bit more about what creativity is, what it feels like, why it is worth your time and how to fuel it.
[00:00:28] So just to begin, creativity is our ability to imagine. To inspire. It's our ability to innovate, to dream. I talked a lot about this in the first episode, but just sort of revisiting a lot of those things. It's our ability to communicate. It's our ability to adapt to changes. It's our ability to evolve. And it's our ability to problem solve. Creativity is how we initiate progress.
[00:01:06] I like to think of it as what keeps a culture and its people evolving, and, in turn, surviving. That being said, you can see how creativity is really necessary right now, as well as how it's even being used and expressed right now with the current climate in America. And what I'm referring to when I say climate is mostly the Black Lives Matter movement and the attention that's being called to systemic racism and white supremacy in America and in the people of America. So we are at an evolutionary tipping point. You could even say as a culture, as a country, we are being asked to come up with creative alternatives to the current systems that are in place, that are enforcing racism and upholding white supremacist and racist ideologies. We can see and even participate in creative discussions taking place around reform, specifically police reform, as well as conversations around defunding the police, and conversations around abolishing the police altogether. So when I think about culturally where, and I'll speak for myself, where I was at two years ago, abolishing the police was a foreign concept. But now it's this idea that's been introduced to me because somebody out there has been using their creativity to think of solutions to the problems we are currently experiencing and the though, "hey, what would the world look like without police if we came up with a different system?" So the discussions currently happening are an example of how creativity keeps a culture evolving.
[00:03:08] So we're at this place where we recognize that changes need to be made and we're coming up with creative solutions. Some solutions are better than others. I'm not going to say what's better than the other because I don't know. I need to do my own research, or maybe even dream up some of my own ideas (though I am much more interested in the thoughts and words of Black Women right now) before I can make those statements. But you can see how, collectively, right now we're in this very creative point where we have the opportunity to come up with and create a different reality that is more equitable to everyone.
[00:03:46] So that gives you an idea sort of what creativity is, what its nature is, what it looks like. Now, a common roadblock I think People run into a lot, is this idea of what creativity looks like in their heads. There might be an idea of what creativity looks like and this idea that it's reserved just for artists. I hear a lot of people often say, "I'm not an artist," or "I am not creative," and they usually say those things together. And I just want to make clear that creativity isn't just for artists. It's not. Creativity isn't an artist's thing. It's a human thing. Humans, by their very nature, are creative. We are really, we're creating all the time. It's just mostly in unconscious ways that we might not notice. But, when we are in conversation with a person, we are literally creating the dialogue that we're having in the exchange. When we are cooking, we're creating a sensory experience. We're creating this a meal that is to be tasted, to be smelled, to be felt, and even creating the memory that comes from that meal. When we're reading books, we are, if you're like me anyway, creating images to accompany the words and the narrative. When we are fixing something broken, we're creating a solution. We're creating an alternative to what was. Sometimes the solution is as easy as replacing a light bulb, and sometimes it means you're going to have to rewire the whole house, but we are still creating.
[00:05:57] I like to use my oldest brother, Chad, as an example. Shout out to Chad, he'll probably never listen to this. Chad is more business minded. He's a numbers guy and he is not somebody that identifies as being creative or artist artistic, but he is an entrepreneur and therefore he is probably one of the most creative creatives because he is creating entire structures from nothing. He's literally creating a building that wasn't there before, or a service that didn't previously exist in a community. He is solving problems multiple times a day. In that way, entrepreneurs are are especially creative people, no matter what the nature of their business may be.
[00:07:03] By claiming not to be an artist, though, we deny a very real part of ourselves, and there are, of course, implications from that action. When you deny your creative nature or your creative essence and affirm to yourself that you are not creative and that you are not an artist, you are fracturing and severing off a whole part of yourself, your fracturing, your identity as a whole human.
[00:07:37] So to be a whole human would be to embrace your creative side, but when we deny our creative side, and ignore that part of ourselves, our creativity will still manifest. It doesn't go away, but our creative nature will sort of turn inward on itself and can potentially manifest in more negative ways. One of those being in the form of anxiety.
[00:08:06] So if we think about how anxiety works, and I'm going to speak from my own experience with anxiety, but my anxiety is very imaginative and very creative, not to brag. My anxiety will come up with tons of imaginary scenarios and situations that are all particularly stress inducing. And,. of course, my anxiety just ends up feeding more anxiety. I will end up spiraling more and more into imaginary stress inducing scenarios that continue to build and feed off of one another and each one is more creative than the last. That being said, you can see that anxiety is a great example of the way creativity works.
[00:08:56] It also can manifest in the form of unfair or uninformed comparisons. If you've ever had the experience of scrolling through social media and seeing someone's highlight feed of photos and creating a narrative around what their life must be like based on these photos, and then feeling the need to compare your life to that person's life. That can be another way in which your creativity can manifest in a less healthy way.
[00:09:41] In addition to anxiety and comparison, depression can also follow. When you are creative and have denied your creative nature, and are ignoring a valid need and not feeding it, it can be easy, and again I am speaking for myself and from my own experience, to slip into a depressive state or a depressive episode because you are denying your own expression. It's a lot like denying a child of their joy.
[00:10:14] Our creative nature is very childlike. Our inner artist is perhaps most easily identified as our inner child. If you think about it, children are so creative. I mean, the stuff that my daughter comes up with in her imagination is just so fun and and wild and off the charts. If you have spent anytime around children, you can see how children are super creative beings. So, if our inner artist is our inner child and you tell your inner child "no" too many times, they get really sad and they start to act out. And as a mother to an almost three year old, when all my daughter hears is "no" all day, she starts to act out. So she serves as a great mirror for me to see my inner artist. I can see my inner artist through her. I can see that when I deny my creative impulses to frequently and too often I can get really moody, I can get really, really irritable.
[00:11:41] And for me, that's how my depression manifests. I get irritable, I get moody. And just overall, not so pleasant to be around.
[00:11:51] So that is why it's necessary for us as creative beings, as inherently creative beings, to feed and give time to and give attention to our creative practice.
[00:12:08] And again, creativity isn't just making art. Like I said, it can even just be cooking. It can be cooking something new. It can be reading a new book. It can be going on an adventure. Think about what your inner child would want to do. And what you like to do as a child? What were some things that you had interest in doing? For me, it was swimming. I've loved swimming my whole life. I loved to play in the pool. It was one of my most favorite things. I would literally live in the pool. The ends of my hair used to turn green because I literally stayed in the pool for as long as possible. Kind of gross, but anyway. I would play in the pool and I would pretend to be a mermaid and swim to the bottom of the pool to have tea parties and discover buried treasure and pirate ships and swim away from sharks and all of these crazy things. So swimming is something that engages my inner child. It's that imaginative free play. But as adults, what does it mean to play? As adults, are we even encouraged to play? I feel like in our culture, as we get older and we arrive at "adulthood" we lose connection to our ability to play, and so much of our creativity and our our inner artist is there rooted in our ability to play.
[00:14:05] All that is to say that creativity is necessary to our sense of wholeness.
[00:14:16] And it's necessary for healthy expression. And in my experience and for myself, creative expression and a creative practice is absolutely necessary to my mental and emotional wellness.
ACTIONABLE ITEMS
BEGIN A JOURNALING PRACTICE!
[00:14:37] So for this episode, I do want to leave you with something that you can do today to start on your path to rehabilitating your inner artist and reconnecting with your creative spirit. For this episode, I recommend beginning a journaling practice. If you're not a writer, you don't have to be to have a journal and to journal, the reason that I think it's necessary to write and to journal is because our minds are so full with background chatter all the time that we don't even pay attention to or notice what is being said or what narratives are on loop in our mind.
[00:15:51] By writing down our thoughts, not only are we getting them out and making room for other things, but by writing them down, we're also paying attention and become aware of what is playing on loop in our mind. Writing and journaling as a regular practice helps you to get those things out of your head so that they're not taking up space. It helps you to pay attention to what thoughts are on loop and what thoughts are being repeated because the words we speak to ourselves are important.
[00:17:05] Journaling is also important because so much of our attention can be focused on something and when we write it down, we don't have to focus on remembering it.
[00:17:13] So, for example, some days I don't have time to journal. Some days I don't have the energy or a lot to say, but I've got a list. And so writing down lists for me becomes a common part of my journaling practice because getting the list down frees up mental space.
[00:17:31] GUIDELINES AROUND YOUR JOURNALING PRACTICE:
1. MAKE IT A SUSTAINABLE ROUTINE!
[00:17:37] First of all, make it routine. So I am taking this idea from Julia Cameron's "The Artist's Way" book, which I referenced in my last episode. In Julia Cameron's book, "The Artist's Way", it's set up in a 12 week format and each week there are different assignments and journaling prompts, but every day your assignment is the same and that is to write your morning pages.
[00:18:04] For Julia Cameron, morning pages are first thing in the morning. You wake up and you journal three pages of stream of consciousness.
[00:18:14] In this case, I'm not going to say that you have to get up first thing in the morning and write three pages, but if that's sustainable for you, do it. Instead, I am going to suggest making it part of your routine in a way that is sustainable for you. For me, it's harder to commit to seven days a week, especially first thing in the morning, because I have a little one. And when she gets up, especially when she's going to daycare, we're usually active in getting her ready to go and everything else and I like to spend my mornings with her. I enjoy sharing the morning with her.
[00:19:04] So, make it routine for you in a sustainable way. What is something that you can sustain? For me, it's easier to commit to three days a week than it is to commit to seven days a week. It's also easier for me to commit to three days a week in the evenings than it is three days a week in the mornings. So, look at your schedule and play around with it. Try waking up first thing in the morning and doing it that way. If that doesn't seem to work for you, if you miss a few days and you start to sink into those self-defeating thoughts, try it in the afternoon on your lunch break instead. Try it in the evening before bed, but just try it. And if you can't make seven days a week, try five, try four, try three, try two. If it's just one, it's just one, but make it part of your routine.
2. BE FLEXIBLE!
[00:19:59] Three pages is a lot to ask, especially depending on the size of the journal, so if it's not sustainable for you to write a full three pages, don't. If you have nothing to say, write that and move on. Let go of any expectations or hard and fast rules around what this is supposed to be. For me, a lot of times my journal is just lists of things that I need to get done because those are the things that take up the most space in my brain. Now, of course there are days where I have a lot that is on my mind, so on those days I write more, but otherwise, it's whatever is prominent in my mind at that time.
[00:21:28] Don't have any expectations around what you're supposed to be writing, just write.
3. DON’T CRITIQUE IT!
[00:21:38] Third guideline: don't critique it. Don't try and refrain from getting into your perfectionist mind and worrying or stressing out over the proper use of a semicolon or where's this comma supposed to go or whatever else. Don't write this with the expectation that your great, great, great, great grandchildren are going to discover it and read it. Write this just as you are in the moment, messy, sloppy, whatever that is, not worrying about anybody seeing it.
JOURNALING PROMPT
[00:22:28] Journaling Prompt for this week:What did play look like for you as a child? How did you play? What did you play with? What did you enjoy doing? What did play look like for you as a child?
[00:23:24] And What display look like for you now as an adult? Where does play manifest in your life? Where do you make time or space for play? How do you play?
[00:23:57] In the answers to those questions are going to be some of the solutions to reconnecting with your creative spirit.
RECOMMENDED READING
[00:24:13] Reading assignments for this week or recommended reading would be “So You Want to Talk About Race?" By Ijeoma Oluo. I am starting this book this week!
[00:24:28] Otherwise, that's all I have for you today. Thank you so much for listening. And I wish you the best on your journey into journaling. Definitely send me a message on Instagram at Marcy Park's art and let me know how it's going, how you like the podcast, what you think. If you enjoyed the this episode, definitely rate the podcast and subscribe on whatever streaming platform that you enjoy listening to, then check back with me next Friday where I will be sharing a guided meditation and introspective meditation.
Ready to take the first step in your creative recovery?
If you enjoyed the episode, LEAVE A REVIEW!
My dream is to help more people connect with their creative identities and embrace themselves as a whole, messy human, and as it turns out, leaving a review on iTunes helps me to do just that!
So thank you in advance for leaving your review and helping me to connect more people with their inner artists!
Ep 01: The World Needs Your Creativity
Listen Now!
Perfectionist in Recovery
[00:00:02] Hello and welcome to the Perfectionist in Recovery podcast. My name is Marcy Parks and I am a perfectionist in recovery. A major part of my recovery process has been reconnecting with my creative practice. For those of you that know me personally or follow me on Instagram, you know that I am an artist and I primarily paint mixed media abstract pieces. Those are very much my medicine and my way of working through my recovery process. For a long time, my perfectionism would often manifest itself in a lot of unfinished projects.
[00:00:45] Typically, I would have an idea or be inspired to create or do something, but I would either not begin because I didn't believe myself to have the competency or skill level to be up to the task, or shortly after beginning, and usually overcome with anxiety, I would stop the project with an excuse about why I couldn't go further, be it lack of time, lack of space, or because it was Monday, Or all of those things.
[00:01:17] What I now recognize is that this was really just a form of self sabotage due to the unrealistic expectations that I put on myself and a focus on the finished product vs. the creative process. Now, this could be another episode altogether, but much of this has to do with the capitalist structure of our society in America and the focus on productivity and monetization of consumer products.
[00:01:52] And so because of that, we've lost our relationship with creating for the joy of creating.
[00:02:00] So I wanted to start this podcast now more than ever because I believe that having a creative practice is essential to our well-being, not just on the micro level of the individual, but also on the macro level of a society. Especially now on the macro level of society given what we are currently experiencing, and I am Speaking specifically to America, because that is where I am recording from - in Northeast Tennesse in the US.
[00:02:29] If you are paying attention, you already know what is going on here in America specifically with the momentum building behind the Black Lives Matter movement and the attention and spotlight that's being put on systemic racism and white supremacy.
[00:02:51] And I just want to say that if you have the privilege to avoid and to not know what is going on or not know the details around what I'm speaking about, I encourage you to mindfully, and with awareness around your own state of mental health and maybe also with the support of a therapist, tune into the current state of our country and educate yourself on systemic racism and the racial injustices that persist, because now is not the time to be tuning out. The same goes for anybody who is feeling like they're tired of hearing about this. I just really encourage you to question your perspective of privilege and not tune out. That being said, hopefully some of the discourse and the resources shared in this podcast can aid in navigating the outrage and heartbreak surrounding our current events so that we can create a better future for everyone.
[00:04:03] The reason why I think developing a daily creative and inspirational practice is essential and relevant to what we are experiencing here in America is because a lot of our old systems and ideologies are dying out, and if they haven't already, they need to. But in order to let go of these old structures in our lives, we have to be able to conceive new ones, and a creative and inspirational practice is how we do that.
[00:04:42] A creative and inspirational practice is how we train our imaginations to dream up new realities. A creative and inspirational practice is where we confront those self-sabotaging habits of perfectionism, and we dare to take the first steps towards making those dreams a tangible reality. A creative and inspirational practice is where we learn to sit with the discomfort of our mistakes and our missteps and choose to keep moving forward anyway. Creativity is our ability to see beyond what is physically in front of us, it is our ability to adapt and evolve and transform. It is our ability to endure and to be resilient, because creativity tells us that change is possible. And if there was ever a time more creativity was needed and encouraged, it is 2020.
[00:06:00] But creativity is much like a muscle. I often compare it to being like an athlete. Athletes will drill certain techniques in their practice to generate muscle memory. Similarly, we as creative beings have to exercise those same creative muscles and we have to strengthen our creative spirit and our creative resolve. And when I say creative beings, I'm speaking to everyone, not just artists.
[00:06:34] I Love Julia Cameron's work for this reason. Julia Cameron has a series of books on creative recovery, building resiliency, and all these other wonderful things. And in her book, The Artist's Way, she describes humans as innately creative because they are created. Regardless of whatever your religious or spiritual philosophy that you subscribe or don't subscribe to, you were still created in the womb of your mother. So from one cell, you became many cells and from many cells, you became a whole human being. So even now, you are still engaged in this process of transformation. And just as our bodies are continuing to undergo this change, creating new realities physically daily, so should the landscape of our minds that house our opinions, our beliefs, and our dreams. So all that said, I invite you to join me through this podcast to recover your creativity and find inspiration for your next incarnation.
[00:08:07] Going forward, this podcast will occur in a weekly format once a week. I will share either interviews with artists, discussions around creativity, inspiration, and perfectionism, guided meditations to help you find inspiration, and always, I will share actions to take during the week to exercise your creativity.
[00:08:34] That being said, some actionable items that you can go ahead and take, to begin today:.
[00:08:39] First, this one is specifically for my white listeners. If you are white in listening to this, I am asking you to begin to challenge old modes of thought and beliefs that were communicated to you, either overtly or directly, or unconsciously by reading White Fragility by Robin D'Angelo. I'm halfway through this book and will probably finish it in the next few days, and it is already blowing my mind that there is just so much that I've been Ignorant to, and honestly, ignoring, that collectively we just can't anymore - especially if we want to see a better future.
[00:09:35] A second actionable item that everyone can do is to read Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way. Julia Cameron has several books all about recovering your creativity, building resiliency and. Yeah, embodying and embracing your inner artist. Again, this book is not just for artists. It's for everybody. It's formatted similar to a workbook. It's a 12 week format. Each week there are journal prompts, weekly assignments or activities to help navigate your inner critic, deconstruct anhy self sabotaging perfectionist habits, and guide you in rediscovering your inspiration and creative spirit. It's a great book. I recommend all of her books, but start with the artist's way. One thing that I will say that might be off putting, depending on what your religious affiliation is. If you are not a Christian, she does mention God a lot in this book, but she does also give you the opportunity to dream up and rewrite what God means to you and who or what your God is. That is, of course, if you choose to have one.
[00:11:03] So those are two things that you can go ahead and get started doing now.
[00:11:09] Otherwise, that's all I have for you today. I appreciate you tuning in and listening to the Perfectionist in Recovery podcast, and I wish you the best as you begin your creative recovery. If you enjoyed this episode, send me a message on Instagram at Marcy Parks Art and let me know if you enjoyed it. Don't forget to subscribe on all of your favorite listening platforms, and if you would rate the podcast! That's the best way that we can help other people to find this this podcast as well and give it a listen. So thank you guys again so much! Check back with me next week. I'll have another episode, another discussion around creativity, what it is, why it's important and why it's worth investing time and attention.
[00:12:06] Until next time!
Ready to take the first step in your creative recovery?
If you enjoyed the episode, LEAVE A REVIEW!
My dream is to help more people connect with their creative identities and embrace themselves as a whole, messy human, and as it turns out, leaving a review on iTunes helps me to do just that!
So thank you in advance for leaving your review and helping me to connect more people with their inner artists!
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